My Inner Critic Told Me Gray Hair Is Bad

MY INNER CRITIC KEPT TELLING ME THAT IF I LET MY HAIR GO GRAY, I WOULD NO LONGER BE BEAUTIFUL AND ACCEPTED, AND I WOULD NEVER GET A CONSULTING GIG AGAIN.

I was trapped between the fear of ageism and the age-old problem that Black women face making sure our crowns are acceptable to the rest of the world.

In the early 1990s, I beat down the demon in my head that said my hair had to be permed to be beautiful, and I wore locs for nearly 25 years, but I continued to color it. My husband told me repeatedly to let the gray reign, but I could not listen to him.

The battle for my hair's soul continued between my inner critic and me until September 2021. There were dozens of fights. Should I go gray or stay chestnut brown? Finally, I colored it to make a big presentation at a large conference in Los Angeles. My topic: 'Becoming Your Authentic Self.' The irony of that got to me. How could I teach becoming your authentic self when I was afraid to show my age?

Eight weeks later, when it was time to color again, I skipped that appointment. Then I skipped the next one (primarily because my stylist tore the meniscus in her knee). I talked to God about it. I tried to beat my inner critic to death and went with gray hair. In a weak moment in May 2022, I asked my stylist to lessen the gray. She grunted and did it. She has been gray for a decade.

Then in July 2022, I asked a barber to cut all the color out. At first, I was horrified at my short gray Afro. I tried my level best to pick it out to make it at least taller (LOL).

Then, in a meditation, my grandmother and my mother appeared. They both passed from this earth with gray hair, and I never once questioned their intelligence, dignity, or worth. I am a leadership coach, yet I was not taking a leadership stance regarding my hair.

I took hold of the situation. I asked my inner critic, who was screaming about the perils of gray hair, to sit in a corner and let the adult do her thing. I concluded that I was highly favored to be on this earth for so long. I was blessed to have health, intelligence, and a successful business at my age. So I was going to honor that journey and let God do its thing: the organic graying of my hair.

I am worthy because I was born; gray hair never takes that away from me. On the contrary, the gray reflects my glorious years here on earth and the glorious future in front of me. With my grey crown, I feel bold enough to be my authentic self. And, I am adequately courageous to represent every Black woman who has ever stood on this planet. From Eve to the seven generations that will come behind me, I bring wisdom and grace, and my gray hair represents that power.

The journey past our inner critic is hard, sometimes circular, and filled with all emotions. But it is worth the trip to your authentic, at-peace self.